Despite the fact that the world is now promoting the idea of a “magic pill” (pump up your abs in a week, lose 17 kg in a month, get a girl in 1 day, buy yourself cool clothes and you yourself will become cool), there are things that really work.
They work not because they are super cool, but because they were obtained through experience and some labor.
Apply this new knowledge in practice, and you will solve your questions about what to write to a girl when meeting her on VKontakte and any other social networks.
You understand that if you don’t lift a finger, then things around you won’t happen on their own.
And if you just read this article and do nothing, or act half-heartedly, then nothing will come of it, or the results will be unsatisfactory for you.
Answer her the main 3 questions in the first messages
Any girl to whom an unfamiliar guy writes asks the following questions:
- Who are you?
- What do you need, what do you want from her?
- Why her?
Any person , when starting to communicate with a stranger, always has these 3 questions in his head .
Therefore, the answers to these three questions are what you should write after the word “Hello” to the girl.
What should be the first message to a girl: 3 main questions
The first message should be brief, but should directly or indirectly answer the 3 main questions that will definitely arise in the head of any girl after she reads your “Hello”.
These are the questions:
- Who are you: what is your name, how did you find her online;
- Purpose of meeting: to communicate, have fun, go on a date;
- The reason why you chose her: what you have in common, what you liked about her.
The order of these points may vary depending on the situation.
The main task of the first message is to interest the girl, make her pay her attention to you. To do this, you don’t need to write a whole sheet of text or come up with complex greetings. 1-2 correctly selected simple sentences are enough.
Don't forget to say hello and introduce yourself by the name your friends call you. Avoid overly familiar forms (“Sanyok”, etc.). Yes, your name is already on the page, but the introduction is a simple form of dating etiquette.
Don’t know what excuse to come up with for communication? The desire to communicate is already an excellent excuse for the first message. Do not intimidate a girl by talking about your desire to start a family and have children, even if you are really looking for a future spouse.
Carefully look through her page - pay attention to books, music, films and public pages. How is a girl different from others? What is she proud of? What unites you?
Write that you saw on her page a photo from a recent concert of your favorite band or that you noticed a selection of Nolan’s works in her videos. Show her that she is not just another girl to whom you “copy-paste” prepared text, but that she is special. She will at least become interested in what kind of person you are if you point out your common interests, and she will want to continue communication.
"Who are you?"
Let's look at these questions in more detail.
The girl doesn't know you and she's interested in knowing who you are.
Maybe someone she knew sent you, or you're from some real estate agency.
A lot of options are running through her head. Clarify the situation to her.
Ask yourself: “Who are you?”, and write to her about it.
Know the answer to this question for yourself, and then you will know your value, which you will convey through messages when you meet her.
The following visual example will give you a clearer idea of what to write to a girl to get to know her.
Brief conclusions
In short, for a successful first message, you need to briefly and succinctly describe the purpose of the appeal. Sometimes you can directly talk about the desire to get to know each other, but it is more effective to use some kind of excuse. Don’t forget to put the page in proper form, double-check your grammar, and get ready to deal with objections.
Don't put pressure on the girl, stay positive and remember that the purpose of your first message is to meet. Communication simply for the sake of communication in this case does not make sense. And if at first the young lady refused to meet with you, but continued the correspondence, then you should just wait. Give the girl a couple of days to get to know you better.
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“What do you want from her?”
This is the second question the girl wants to know the answer to from you.
Maybe you want to sell her a plasma TV over the Internet or invite her to some kind of network marketing or financial pyramid.
The Internet is full of all kinds of people.
You can answer three questions at once with one first message, as in the following example. This is exactly what you can write to a girl when meeting her in contact in the first message.
This removes many suspicions immediately.
Sometimes it is enough to answer only one question out of three , and she is ready to meet with you. Look at the screenshot.
The girl replied to the message: what next?
So, you managed to interest the woman and she responded to your message. What to do next? The best solution is to go directly towards your goal.
If you want a close relationship, immediately invite her on a date and take her phone number. You need to take advantage of the moment while her attention is completely focused on you. The longer you wait, the more likely it is that she will refuse to meet in person.
Remember! Pointless messaging is a waste of precious time.
If a girl agrees to go on a date, you need to immediately set a place. Here is a selection of 8 of the most original places to go on a first date.
A great way to make a good impression on a date is to surprise the girl and surprise her. Here are some non-standard ways to do this.
If a girl doesn’t agree to a date, this is not a reason to give up. There is no need to delete her from your contacts and send her to the blacklist. You can continue to communicate with her. Don't forget, the more you communicate with girls, the better it will work out. In addition, if you interest her in correspondence, she will definitely give you a second chance. Here are a few useful tricks that you can use when texting.
In any case, if you want success with women, then you need to develop the qualities that women value most in men.
“Why did you choose her?”
Here you need to write about what attracted you to her and why you chose her over other girls.
That is, you write to her about why you liked her, and why you decided to write to her : “because you’re pretty,” “I’m attracted to you,” “I like you,” and others.
These are all pretty good examples for you of what to write to a girl in the first message on VKontakte or Facebook.
You may have your own unique reasons for why you chose her.
At this point, girls very often check guys.
Here they want to make sure whether you are the guy you say you are or whether you are lying to her.
It is whether you can pass her tests or not that determines whether you will be able to meet her or not.
Pass the tests, don’t be afraid of them, accept them, and meeting her won’t take long.
With practice and over time, you will learn to shuffle these techniques, swap the answers to these questions.
You will have a certain sense of when you can immediately ask for a number and ask for a date, and when it’s too early and it’s worth getting to know each other better.
Be absolutely sincere and congruent with her.
There is no need to lie to her, because this is congruent, open and completely sincere flirting on your part.
Here is another clear example of what to write to a girl when meeting on VKontakte, with a screenshot from this very network.
What exactly should you write to a girl?
In fact, it is not so important what is written in it, because the girl looks at the photo whether it is worth communicating with you or not. Next I will talk about several options for the first message. But above all else, you must remember the basic rule. And use it in cases where nothing original comes to mind.
Write to the girl what you want to say right now. Don't pretend and try to seem like someone you really are not. If you saw her profile and you wanted to talk about the weather, do so. Or about how she spends the evening. If she likes you, she will appreciate your initiative and will be happy to continue the conversation.
Also, at the beginning of communication, take into account the following point: do not give simple compliments, do not communicate with a girl from a position from below . Most guys immediately start sucking up. They write how great she looks, what cool photos, and the like. Such a start to communication is a huge disadvantage, and most likely it will not be successful.
The best recipe for first messages is a provocative, intriguing or directive message .
I like the last option the most, since it’s immediately clear what the girl is like and how she treats me.
Example of a directive first message
We'll meet you tomorrow!
What time are you free?
And then you take the number and make an appointment. Minimum wasted time, maximum efficiency. The disadvantage of this method is that not everyone will agree. BUT! If she likes you, she still may not immediately leave her number, but she will make it clear that there is potential for further communication. And don't forget that girls like very confident guys. And if you write this to her in the first message, then you are one.
Message – Intrigue
- Hello! I know something about you!
- What are you like)? I didn't even believe it at first
- I liked that you combine 2 qualities that are basically incompatible, many men don’t like them, but I consider this even a “+” for a girl
The good thing about intrigue is that it practically forces the girl to carry on the conversation herself. The female sex is a curious creature, and she will quickly want to find out what exactly you know about her.
If you started with intrigue, then do not immediately respond to her messages, but pause from a few minutes to half an hour, and do not open it until you receive a phone number.
Why don't ladies usually text first?
As you know, most guys don't receive messages on social media from girls they don't know.
There are several reasons for this.
Young ladies always wait for the first step from a man
Firstly, girls are “programmed” for a man to take the initiative himself.
Otherwise, she has doubts that he will be able to ensure her safety and in the future she will have to fulfill the “male role” in the relationship.
When you realize that you have trust in each other in correspondence, you should take the initiative to call her to see you.
A man should know everything about how to express himself when meeting her easily and naturally.
They, like you, love attention and follow their feminine logic
The second reason they don't text first is because girls, like you, love attention .
And the more varied, positive and varied attention they receive, the better they feel emotionally.
Men spend most of their lives acting and making decisions from the “logical part” of the brain, and girls from the emotional part .
That is why they talk about a certain “female language” or “female logic”.
Here you just need to understand that the principles of thinking of men and women are seriously different .
Surely you know many examples of this.
Your appearance in the photos is repulsive
The third reason is that many guys, no matter how trivial it may be, do not take care of their appearance.
I'm not saying that everyone should dress in the best brands in Milan or London.
But you yourself have probably noticed that people’s appearance sometimes leaves much to be desired.
This happens due to the fact that people are not educated in those areas of life that they do not “consider necessary” or simply let these areas take their course.
Clue. If a man looks unkempt, his clothes are hanging baggy, or he over-emphasizes his “advantages” in his appearance and looks downright unhealthy, then ask yourself: “Would I be willing to communicate with a man whose appearance is repulsive?” So girls are more sensitive in this regard, they know how to take care of themselves. Girls pay attention to the appearance of men.
Your questions about what to write to a girl when meeting on VK and not meeting dynamic girls will begin to be answered over time when you begin to look cute and neat in photographs.
Nobody likes dirty dogs except their mothers.
She already gets too much male attention on the Internet.
And finally, the fourth and most important reason, in my opinion, is that usually beautiful girls are “overfed” with male attention .
In this case, all searches for examples that will tell you in detail what to write to a girl when meeting her on the Internet will be futile and useless.
After all, if you are a girl, you have a beautiful body, dressed in fashionable clothes, you can be sure that men will write to you a dozen times a day.
This is the main reason why girls usually do not start communicating with men on social networks first.
They should find time to respond to those who have already written, and choose the most attractive and original ones (and this, according to the girls, is a problem, I must say).
At the same time, they do not stop subconsciously looking for a better partner for themselves.
Some manage to gradually turn into “glamorous bitches” (which, by the way, many girls are even openly proud of).
What to talk about with a girl on VK: 30 interesting topics
When you hear from your friends that they can chat with their girlfriend on social networks for hours and the two of them really like it all, one single question arises in your head: what to talk about with a girl on VK in order to maintain mutual interest.
You regularly feel that you and your friend have long since run out of topics to talk about and communication has turned into an exchange of cliched phrases.
When you're in a new relationship, you probably have hundreds of questions that you want to ask your girlfriend, but you take your time so as not to seem rude.
On the other hand, if you've been in a relationship long enough, it's natural that you don't have much to talk about like you used to.
You know almost everything about each other, and after discussing the daily routine, what else is there to talk about?
Many guys are interested in the following question: “If a girl communicates with me on VKontakte, should I touch on some deep topics or is it better not to escalate the situation and communicate only about something fun and carefree?”
My answer to this is this: a good, thoughtful conversation is simply vital if you want to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with this girl.
While communication is the only thing that helps maintain a relationship and make it grow, interesting conversation is even more important in this matter.
If you know how to captivate and interest a lady in a conversation, then your friend will never want to look for a replacement for you.
On the other hand, if conversation is so important, then why don’t girls want to communicate on VK a few months after they met?
The answer to this question is quite simple - you both are so used to each other that even the online silence you share seems completely normal.
However, if you can find the right topics, your relationship will be even more fun and fulfilling.
Good communication helps bridge many of the gaps in your relationship and promotes better understanding.
If you're running out of things to talk about with a girl, then just take a look at this list of 30 interesting topics for a fun conversation:
- You can talk to your girlfriend about your future together. Talking to your girlfriend not just about the future, but about specific goals is very important because it gives a general idea of which direction to move. This will help you understand whether you can continue to be together or whether you will have to break up at some point. Be sure to listen to her dreams and plans. If she decides to sacrifice everything for you, then think a thousand times whether you need such a sacrifice. If you are in a stable, time-tested relationship, then conversations about your future together will fill you with stimulation and positivity, and you can both look forward to a long, happy life together.
- Plans for the coming weekend Making plans for the weekend is in itself fun and interesting. You can plan some fun event or a short trip to another city. This will help you get to know each other's tastes better and you will look forward to something exciting.
- Give a compliment to a girl If you have nothing to talk about, give sincere compliments to your friend. This will change the mood to a more playful one, she will be happy to hear something pleasant from you and will definitely reciprocate your feelings. But there is one important rule here - be sincere and don’t overdo it. You can praise her for her sense of style, her choice of perfume, the food she cooks, and even her beautiful soul.
- Daily worries and problems It is very important to discuss this with each other every day, as it strengthens the relationship. You will feel better if you have shared your problems with each other, discussed how to find a way out of this or that situation, support and comfort each other. This will make you feel like you are part of the same family.
- Movies and TV Shows If you want to shift your conversation to a calm, casual topic, then start discussing a movie or TV show. This way you will learn about her favorite movie genre, favorite actors and actresses. This will also help you find out her perceptions and thoughts about a particular episode, you will be surprised to discover how the same episode can look from different points of view.
- Share your secrets It will be fun and something that will remain only between the two of you. Each of us has some secret from childhood, college or work. Share this with a friend and add some fun elements to the story.
- Tell us about your family If you are already in a long-term, serious relationship, then your friend may show interest in your family. This is not surprising, because she subconsciously already considers herself part of it. Tell her in full detail about your family so that she can better understand your past and know what to expect in the future. She should feel like she is part of your family. This will be a personal and interesting topic of conversation. If you are in a new relationship, then it is better not to describe everything in detail, but to give her only general information about your parents, brothers and sisters.
- Tell her about your work It may seem like something boring at first glance, but you sometimes need to talk about it so that your friend knows about your daily life. This way she will understand you better, be more interested in how your day went, how your relationships with colleagues are and why you are sometimes not in the mood. In order for you to be interested in communicating with each other, you must be familiar with your daily life. Romance, endless declarations of love and memories of the past by themselves are not sufficient for the development of normal relationships. You should have common topics of conversation.
- Your dreams If you have any dreams and aspirations, then your friend should be the first person to know about them. Not only will she be by your side as you try to make them come true, but she will also help you achieve certain results.
- Favorite dish Your friend should know about your favorite food in order to be able to surprise you and cook dinner herself or order your favorite dish in advance at a restaurant. You should also know her choice.
- Cafes and restaurants Tell her about your favorite hangouts and ask her where she likes to spend her time most. This way you'll know where to take her for Valentine's Day or where to order takeout.
- Your hobbies and interests Painting, dancing, cooking or any other hobby that really interests you. Tell your girlfriend about your hobby, how it all happens and what emotions you experience. Not only will this give her an idea of your likes and interests, but you will also have a common topic for interesting regular conversations.
- Your biggest fear Every person experiences one or another fear in life. There are no absolutely fearless people in the world. For some it is the death of a loved one, for others it is not realizing oneself in life and becoming a failure. Tell your girlfriend about this and ask her what she is most afraid of. If any misfortune befalls the two of you, you will be able to understand and support each other.
- Joint vacation If you have a desire to go to any exotic place that you have long dreamed of, then you can discuss this with your girlfriend. You will find out if she shares your desires or if she has a dream to visit another place. Perhaps you will find some alternative that will satisfy your general desires.
- Friends Your friend should not only know all your eccentric, funny, lustful, stupid, lazy and crazy friends, but also become part of your party. Find out about her friends and try to be friendly and welcoming with them.
- A Proud Moment Talking about things like this brings you together on an emotional level. You will not only learn about her achievements, but also about what made her the happiest in her life.
- Your most embarrassing moment Such topics should also be discussed. If a person tells you about his most awkward moment, then this indicates that he feels a strong emotional closeness to you, which is why he will trust such personal details of his life. Thanks to this, you will find out how prone a girl is to self-irony, whether she can accept her mistakes and regret some life situations. Such sincere conversations remove all omissions and falsehoods in relationships.
- Self-improvement goals If your conversation revolves around such serious topics, then by doing this you are showing your girlfriend a new side of your personality. She will begin to see you as someone who has purpose and motivation, as well as someone who is aware of her weaknesses and tries her best to improve.
- Sex Talk Sex talk can be a really fun topic, especially if she's not a prude. Indulge yourself with frequent conversations about sex, ask her intimate questions, just don’t cross the line beyond which she will be uncomfortable. Thanks to questions like these, you will learn how to more effectively please her in bed.
- Share your school and college jokes. A little fun, light-hearted conversation never hurts. Think about the brightest, funniest, most ridiculous situations that happened to you at school or university. I think that your girlfriend also has many equally funny stories in store.
- Your Past This can be a very sensitive topic, so only bring it up if you and your friend are comfortable talking about it. Ask how her childhood was, but don’t bother with questions if she avoids answering. Everything has its time.
- Personal opinion Personal opinion should not be categorical, especially if you are talking to your girlfriend. Gently express your opinion to her, but do not insist on anything or challenge her thoughts. Thanks to this, it will be clear to you what you both think about this or that issue. This will help you avoid many conflict situations.
- Some advice If you feel that your friend can give you some advice, be sure to listen to it. You can also help her with something, just give advice very delicately so as not to offend her.
- Some gossip In fact, there is no harm in gossip, so you can enjoy it with a clear conscience. Just make sure no one is listening!
- Your Passions and Hobbies Ask her to talk about her most passionate hobbies, whether it is cooking, music, painting, dancing or any other activity that she is passionate about, you should know about it. Support her in her endeavors and help her achieve certain goals related directly to her hobby.
- World news If your friend is interested in world news and big politics, then you will have a constant topic of conversation. This will not only refresh your knowledge, but will also make you look like a well-read person.
- Sports You can only talk about sports news if she is also a sports fan, because for many girls this topic is completely uninteresting.
- Career Goals Each of us has our own career goal. You need to know her intentions, both short and long term, just as she knows yours. Ask her a few questions about her workplace and see if you can help her achieve something more. Likewise, ask her opinion regarding your career development.
- Find out her views on life. Ask her how she imagines your life in 5-10 years. What comes first on her wish list, how she plans to grow and develop. Be sure to tell her about your views on life. This can lead to a very long and tense conversation.
- Your Mutual Plans If you both plan to spend the rest of your lives together, then discuss marriage, future goals, your home, children, and even having pets.
If you ask me whether you need to communicate with a girl on VK, because you can chat on the phone or in person, I will answer - it’s definitely necessary! Considering how much time we spend online, she'd rather have her talk to you than someone else.
All these seemingly insignificant questions easily develop into an interesting intimate conversation.
Such conversations are necessary to establish a close emotional connection, fill your relationship with meaning and bring clarity to your future together.
An example of interesting correspondence
You can find any topic of conversation. You look at her profile and interests, and you can already set the vector for the conversation.
Her photographs will also be a good help for starting a conversation.
Thanks to this, you can find common topics of conversation or similar passions and hobbies.
The following detailed example will answer your questions about what to write to a girl in contact who you like and evokes pleasant feelings.
This is a whole correspondence from the moment of meeting to the offer to drink coffee together.
Did you manage to arrange a meeting with her?
Do you want to know more about how to behave when meeting and where to go? Then it will be very useful to read our article on what to do on a first date with a girl.
Very detailed and detailed article.
Some guys have big problems with the fact that they don’t know what to say and what topic to choose for conversation when meeting a girl.
In the new article at the link we have special tips for first dates with girls. In it we talk about the most interesting topics for conversation with beauties.
Why doesn't she answer you
- Most men write banalities to girls like: “Hi, how are you?”, “What are you doing?”. But this doesn't work at all.
- Some guys simply offer to “buy” a girl’s attention with entertainment or even openly with money. This is mistake. This will push the girl away from you even more. She will turn on the “I’m not like that” defense mechanism.
On our website we also have a detailed article for men on how to please a girl at school, college, work and other places, without making any effort or trying to please her.
Telephone communication
If you have had a good chat on VKontakte, it’s time to chat on your mobile phone. And then the guy faces the following questions: what to talk about with a girl on the phone, where to find the courage to call and how to carry on a conversation while hearing her voice.
Having taken the girl's phone number, be brave and make a call. At the very beginning of the conversation, make a smooth transition from communication in contact to the moment when you decide to call her. Continue the conversation from the point where you left off during the correspondence. For example, find out how she got home yesterday.
There are no special topics when communicating on the phone between a guy and a girl. You can chat on the above examples of topics, discuss something new that happened while you weren't talking. Perhaps the interlocutor herself will ask questions - serious and not so serious, and you can switch to a new problem of discussion.
Try to listen to the young lady carefully, inserting your emotional comments during the conversation. Be sure to tell her how much you enjoyed talking to her and how pleasant and sexy her voice is. Vulgar hints at this stage are not entirely appropriate.
What should I do with your profile?
Upload good photos
I recommend that the first step is to delete ABSOLUTELY ALL photos where you look tired, irritated, drunk to the point of squealing, in the company of stoned friends. Well, you understand.
If thoughts occur to you that this will seem incorrect towards your friends or even towards yourself (it may seem so), throw these lousy thoughts out of your head and start acting.
You are heading towards a life filled with beautiful girls and your own personal happiness in the end!
So don't hesitate to delete it.
When you take 6 – 10 photos with a professional , you will find out why you had to delete the previous ones.
Fill in information about yourself in your profile
It will also be useful to fill out information about yourself in your profile.
This will create more trust in you.
Fill out the items in the “interests” section. Write only the truth.
Write your favorite books, your interests, your favorite movies and music.
Where not to start a correspondence: the most common mistakes
The most common mistakes are the following:
- Banality The first message must be original. You can’t start a conversation with cliches or hackneyed phrases, for example: “Hello! How are you?". If you write something like that, in 9 cases out of 10 she will simply ignore the message;
- Sexual innuendo. Moreover, this includes not only messages like: “I would like to look at you up close!”, but also “compliments” to the girl’s figure, even if she herself put a profile photo of herself in a swimsuit;
- Use of slang expressions and swear words. It seems that this is understandable, but many first messages from men are still replete with various “what”. And if a girl decides to ignore you or immediately rejects you (even if in a rude manner), under no circumstances should you call her names. Even if you never cross paths again, save face and don’t stoop to something like this;
- There are grammatical errors. Check what you write. Pay special attention to commas. No one will find fault if there are minor punctuation errors in the message, but a complete lack of understanding of the grammar of the Russian language will definitely scare off an adult girl;
- Deception. Using a “fake” page or one without personal photos. Put yourself in the girl’s shoes: would you, in her place, meet a person who has no friends on his page, and whose profile photo shows a Hollywood actor or the latest model Lamborghini?
The time when she was attracted by the photos
You shouldn't text a lot. If you feel like you can already ask for a date, do it.
There you can already flirt face to face.
We have a detailed article on how to properly flirt with a girl when meeting and on dates.
When you have good photos and a trusted account on social networks, then you don’t really worry about what to write to a girl in the first message on a dating site.
The next screenshot confirms this.
Communication on VK (Internet)
The problem of communication via the Internet (on VK, Odnoklassniki and other social networks) is that the emotional component disappears. It is difficult to determine how a girl feels about a particular topic. Therefore, you should avoid sensitive topics, especially if your relationship is just beginning to develop.
Examples of topics:
- About animals.
- Hobbies.
- Dream.
- Work or study.
- Rest.
- Trips.
- Music, films.
- Holidays.
- Fashion.
- Culinary themes.
- Relationship.
The first thing girls look at is your photos and what kind of life you live.
When you come across a pretty girl's page on a social network, what is the first thing you look at?
Of course photographs.
Do you think girls do things differently?
Of course, appearance is not a determining factor, but people use it to determine whether they want to continue getting to know this person.
If the first photos discourage any desire , then communication will not work out - be sure of that.
Therefore, initially have an album with attractive and pleasant photographs. And only then you can correspond and think about what to write to the girl you like on VK.
Girls will look more at what photos you have and what kind of life you live, rather than at the information in your profile!
After all, they are skilled craftsmen in creating images that attract the opposite sex, and they know for sure that most try to seem cool and cool to others.
And this is common.
After all, from childhood, society dictates to men and women what they need to do to please other people if they want to be successful.
However, truly successful people do not try to be liked, they simply are themselves - without the desire to impress or impress.
Think about it.
Purpose of correspondence
Before I tell you what to write to a girl you like, I'll ask a question to make sure we're thinking in the same direction.
How do you want her to kiss you the next time you interact? Smiley face or real lips?
Obviously you want the latter. (I hope). Real communication is much more interesting and better than virtual communication.
The real purpose of texting is to meet, not to drag out conversations that go nowhere. Don't lose sight of the end goal.
